Helping Your Children Navigate Their Teenage Years:
A Guide for Parents

Getting Help for Your Teen

Getting help for your teen is a major step in bringing him or her back from the edge of harm’s way, and promoting a healthy future. You should also know that sometimes when a child is having serious difficulties, it may be a sign that there are family issues that should be addressed. When seeking help for your teen, consider whether the rest of the family could also benefit from counseling.

If There are Problems at School

If your teen is having difficulty at school, such as poor grades, behavior problems, or being bullied, it is important to reach out to school officials. They can provide support, and also may be able to give you additional information about what has been going on with your child.

You can start with your child’s teacher. If the school has a counselor, social worker, or school psychologist, you can contact this person. The school principal is also a good resource and may be able to pull together appropriate staff members to talk with you about your child. If you have concerns about contacting school personnel, most school districts have designated a parent advocate or have a parent resource center to help parents navigate the school system.

School personnel are also a good source of referrals for mental health services.

If Your Teen Appears Depressed or Anxious

Depression is more than the blues; it is more than the normal, everyday ups and downs. When that “down” mood, combined with other symptoms, lasts for more than a couple of weeks, the condition may be clinical depression. This is a serious health problem that affects the total person.

Anxiety disorders are illnesses that fill people’s lives with overwhelming anxiety and fear that doesn’t go away, and often gets worse. These disorders can change your teen’s behavior by diminishing physical health and appearance, school performance, social activity, and the ability to handle everyday decisions and pressures.

If you think your child has an emotional problem (even if it is not serious enough to be called a mental illness) that requires more help than you can give, the sooner he or she gets the needed help, the sooner he or she may feel better.

Mental disorders are real illnesses, just like diabetes or other physical ailments. Having a mental illness does not mean a person is weak, or a failure, or is not really trying. It means he or she needs treatment. Untreated, mental disorders can result in damage to self-esteem, poor school performance, problems with relationships and even suicide. Mental health treatment works; most people can be helped. Treatment helps reduce the symptoms of the mental disorder, improve relationships, strengthen coping skills and promote behaviors that make a person’s life better.

Neither parent nor teen should be afraid of what people might say or think about seeking treatment. You should draw upon many available resources and may even be surprised by the support you receive from your friends and your teen’s friends.

I want to get help for my teen, but I don't know how to find someone good.

In picking a mental health professional, it’s important to identify a person who is experienced in working with youth and families, and highly respected in the community. School administrators, counselors and teachers often know mental health providers with this expertise, and can usually make recommendations. Family doctors or your local mental health association can also point you in the right direction. Ask other parents as well—they are among the best referral sources.

Skilled mental health professionals understand that adolescents may be slow to embrace professional help, and perhaps were brought for help against their will. These professionals will carefully build trust with your teen, important for an effective therapeutic relationship. They help young people understand that much of their conversation is kept confidential— and also spell out the limits of confidentiality.

Language and other cultural issues may exist as barriers to accessing quality mental health services. Parents should expect that mental health professionals are sensitive to cultural and ethnic differences, and can address issues affecting diverse populations.

If you haven’t found a good referral in your community, SAMHSA's National Mental Health Information Center can provide help in finding a mental health professional. You can visit their website at www.mentalhealth.samhsa.gov or call their toll-free number at 1-800- 789-2647 (Monday–Friday, 8:30 a.m. to 5:00 p.m., EST).

For more information about culturally sensitive services, you can call the Office of Minority Health Resource Center at 1-800-444-6472.

There are so many different kinds of mental health providers . . . what's the difference? How do I know what is right for my child?

Social workers, mental health counselors, psychiatric nurses, psychologists and psychiatrists, among others, all have different kinds of training and skills, and provide different types of treatment. In therapy sessions, all of these mental health professionals help people talk about their experiences, thoughts and feelings, in order to solve personal and family problems and treat mental illness.

Psychiatrists and other medical doctors can determine if there are other physical illnesses that may be contributing to the problem and can prescribe medicine when this is determined to be an important part of the treatment. Medications are available that effectively treat mental illnesses that are severe or disabling. They are often used in combination with therapy. Your family physician or school guidance counselor can help you assess what type of professional help you need.

I know this is all going to be expensive . . . how will I afford it?

You may have some mental health coverage in your health insurance plan. But if your ability to pay is limited, you should be able to access community-based services. Your state department of mental health or local community mental health center can direct you to these resources. City and county mental health services are often offered on a sliding-fee scale, based on your financial resources, and some health centers and mental health professionals in the community may also provide for a sliding scale fee to those who cannot afford the full fee.

What about help for substance abuse?

Parents are usually the first line of defense against substance abuse. Set a good example by not using illicit drugs, and if you drink alcohol, do so responsibly and only in moderation. Know your family’s history of alcohol and drug abuse and talk to your children about it. If you have a drug problem (alcohol, prescription drug abuse, or illicit drugs), get help for yourself. Teach your child or teenager that it is okay to get help. Learn the signs of alcohol and other drug abuse and take action to help your children if they have a problem.

Teachers, doctors, sports coaches, clergy members and others involved with youth have important roles to play in helping to recognize and get help for teens who are using alcohol or other drugs.

To find the right help, you should start by getting information about substance abuse and mental health services in your community. Ask your health care professional for a referral, or contact local hospitals, state and local substance abuse agencies, school counselors, or community mental health centers. You can also contact national or local substance abuse treatment helplines, such as the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration’s Center for Substance Abuse Treatment National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP.

General Tips When Getting Help for Your Teen and Your Family

Here are general tips on getting help for you and your teen:

• Get the whole family involved. Family stress and turmoil contribute to the problems of teenagers. Teens’ problems add to family stress. The whole family must work together to solve those problems. Ideally, the entire family should participate in counseling. The priority, however, is to ensure that your teen gets help. He or she might first want to meet privately with a counselor and may agree to family involvement later.
• Be patient. Understand that experienced counselors take their time with young people who enter counseling against their will. It may take a while to develop rapport and a while longer for teens to be ready to make changes. Parents should ask counselors to keep them informed on what to expect and to discuss progress as it is made. Counselors also can help parents understand what to look for in terms of changes and approximately when these changes might occur. If your child is prescribed medication by a physician, be informed about the side effects and possible adverse reactions, and understand that medications may take several weeks to work.
• Evaluate your counselor as you would any other professional you work with: You should feel good about the person, and you should also get results.
• Monitor progress. When you are unhappy with progress, talk it over with the counselor. Sometimes parents are impatient and expect immediate results. Counselors should explain their timetable and perhaps point out progress that may not be so obvious. If progress is not being made, parents should ask how the counseling approach might be modified. If the modified approaches don’t work, parents should consider getting a second opinion or transferring to another professional.
• Be your child’s advocate. Whether you have private health coverage or you rely on public programs for health care, find out what treatment services are covered and for how long. Let your health care professional, insurance company, social worker, case manager and anyone else involved in your child’s treatment, know what you think your child and family need. Make sure you are involved in decisions about your child’s treatment.

Conclusion

Parents matter when it comes to helping their children successfully navigate the teenage years to ensure a safe and healthy passage from childhood into adulthood. Being knowledgeable and keeping communication open, recognizing warning signs of problems and seeking help when you think it’s needed, are important contributions that support your teen’s development.

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